Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
