I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
