Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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