I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Semen is not good for contacts.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
