the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
