I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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