I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
