I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
