dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
