Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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