My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
