Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
