I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
