I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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