Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
PANTIES FOUND
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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