He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
