She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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