I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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