Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
