I seem to have left my pride at pride
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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