OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Randomize
