I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
