I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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