dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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