There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't think brook has ever known best
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
