I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
