pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
