I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
