I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
