i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Boobs speak an international language.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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