Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
