That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
