you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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