Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
