im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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