no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
