Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
