Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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