Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
