saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I CAN MOONWALK!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
