WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
