White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
