Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
