i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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