my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
