She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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