I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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