He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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