Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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