I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
