found the other keg... it's in the tree
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I forgot wine drunk hurts
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
