walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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