Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
