sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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