so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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