her vagine was all disorganized.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've blown a few things in my day
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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