i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
