So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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