and she was petting her beer can
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
