She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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