if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
